Defeat

Every once in a while we all have those days where we just feel completely defeated. Atleast I hope I'm not the only one.

Today, out of no where, I get this feeling of, ..... I don't even know. I'm hurt. I could just crumble down to the floor and just share my tears with God. Honestly its one of those days where I'm just defeated, like nothing I do, or nothing I ever do will ever be good enough.

I don't even know how I got here. Sometimes I feel like I'm not even living my own life. Sometimes I wish it WAS someone elses life. I guess I could retrace my steps, but that means not moving forward. Theres alot of things that culminate to bring me to this point. Maybe its the solitude I get out here away from everyone and knowing that when I do go home I have no one special to go home to. I feel like I failed in school cause I just gave up and quit rather than give it a fighting chance. Failed relationships, failing without my own rationalization, knowing things must have gone on behind the scenes that I couldn't see, couldn't control. Out here I'm away from my friends and my loved ones. I'm alone. Sometimes I feel like I have the whole world on my shoulders, trying to not only handle my own business and problems, but helping people with thiers, and I know that the minute that I bring mine up, people are ready to be on thier way. I don't know, sometimes I get that some people aren't ready or willing to invest or lend an ear when I have something to say. Like I said, I don't even know how I got to this point right now.

I guess I'm just having an off day where my solitude has gotten to me, atleast I hope thats it. But like I always say, defeated, but never broken. I know when I get home around my family and my friends I'll be alright. I always am.

So I know this is a bit of a short update and here we are on the second entry and already letting you guys feel my heartache. I promise its gonna get better than this.

So I'm gonna be headed home tomorrow and that means more time to work and concentrate on things and one fo the things I want to do is work on and bring you a vidoc. "OH! This is new for Pat!" Yeah, it is. I'm retooling my story of Eichi and I'm redisigning some characters. So the vidoc will be one that covers not only the redesign but also the history and the whole creative process behind one of my own favorite characters. Who is it? Well for those of you who have followed my work, I'll let you ponder that for a while. Hopefully I'll have this up shortly after Thanksgiving as a bit of an "after holiday" feast for you. :)

Thanksgiving is upon us in two days and since I will be traveling between now and then this is my last update  until after the holiday. So Happy Thanksgiving my friend. I hope you and your families are safe and I send my best wishes to all of you.

-Pat

Welcome!

Hello hello friend. Welcome to my new blog here on blogger, Pens and Pencils.

I want to thank you my twin brother Mel for the title. I think it really fits. It describes what I'm about, my art, but I took a closer look and with my initials being "PP" I felt that a title using the same initials was more than fitting.

Ofcourse my blog will be more than just about pens and pencils. This is a blog that will cover my life. You will read about my journey through school, my creative process, as well as figuring out what makes me tick. You'll read about my life at work, my times at home, and all things nerdy to Pat, with a side of love and heartache. Nothing here is off limits, so if any of you have followed me on my blogs on myspace and occasionally facebook, this is going to be a much more personal experience.

I'm not the best blogger in the world, but then again, who really is? With a mixture of blogs, vlogs, and vidocs, I hope you find this most entertaining.

With all this said I'm glad your here my friend. Welcome as I write this ongoing story of my life, written simply, with Pens and Pencils.

-Pat