So 2011 was a hell of a year and I'm sure those close to me have been wondering "Why hasn't he chimed in on it yet? Whats his New Resolutions?" Simple, its only been four days and I'm getting to it. ......NOW.
2011 seems to be one for the books for me, but then again has the past 5 years or so. I think this year I spent more time on umemployment and broke more than not, lost out on love, heartbroken, figured it all out, and broken again. School, work, roommates, my home, I felt like everything I had, or thought I had was turned upside down.
I realize that I only blogged 5 or 6 times last year, but I don't want to go into a life story, but just wanna hit a few notes.
January 14th I was laid off from work and struggled between finding new jobs and unemplyment. I tried for months and when I finally found emplyment with Alorica (eww!) I was called back to Toledo. Unfortunately not knowing where I would be going I resigned with Alorica only to not go south by the Mexican border.
So the hunt was back on for jobs and tried my hand back in school. I got a rude awakening when nothing I did seemed to be good enough for my instructor and ended up dropping out again. Evidently art school isn't for me and I don't plan to return to it. Maybe it was the online structure that gave me too much freedom to screw it off or the fact that school had to be my "dirty secret" from my parents. (Which my dad and aunt may be reading this now, but oh well.)
After all that was said and done I just wanted to settle and focus on a home life. One where I didn't have to travel, could focus on, and become successful. Now anyone who knows me knows that I was head over heels for a girl. I mean, I was stupid for this girl, and maybe too stupid. Too stupid to take a chance and I played it safe. I figured if she didn't make a move then hey, I would give it more time. As I look back, maybe there were hints and missed opportunities. After getting what felt like a blow off for a while I got hint that maybe she had a boyfriend and I asked and ofcourse I was right. My heart suck to the floor and I was highly upset.
Around this time my lease was coming up for renewal and my mom was having eye surgery so I moved back in with her to help her out and lick my wounds and find me again, reevaluate my situation and get my head straight in what I really wanted in life.
A couple years ago I stopped using the word faith. I used to always tell everyone to have faith. A few years ago I had lost mine. I lost faith in people, the world, and God. I had always had some faith in God, but during this time I opened my heart more to Him and what He had to teach me. Through Him I would find me.
Through Him and the the honesty He helped me find in myself I found that I was not whole. He opened me up and showed me that which I was missing I left years ago. He helped me see that the one I was missing was the one who gave me my faith to begin with, Cody. The only way I can explain it is like a flood gate, and everything I held for Cody once before came rushing back to me.
I wish that was the end of this story but it isn't. In order to save on the long story, Cody and I are two different people now. She is still an amazing person and in no way want to take away from that. I respect her and deep in my heart, hidden away, I will always love Cody. Its as simple and heart chrushing as that.
All of a sudden my story brings me to the end of 2011. I hope I haven't lost any of you yet.
December found me lost, faith shaken, heart broken, reclusive, angry, and bitter, everything that lays down my foundation for 2012, but more on that later, in another blog.
So what was I going to do? I was left with not much feeling towards anything. So what was I to do?
The plan was to liquidate all my assetts. I mean a straight fire sale on damn near my every posession, go back to work down south and work for 6 months, hiding out somewhere in Louisiana or Texas just making money, and never return to where anyone knew my face. I would start anew.
I emailed the Operations Manager of Toldedo Mudlogging right before Christmas.
I'm still waiting.
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